Critical Parenting

Sometimes I wonder if other parents are like me. All of the thoughts that run through my head about my kids.....do most other parents think that way?

I know I will always be my kids’ parent, but based on the math, I definitely don’t have a lot of years left of the real hands-on, everyday, in-the-trenches stuff. I find myself looking at various traits in their lives and thinking, “Is that because of something I did or didn’t do?” Sometimes these things are good and sometimes they are not so great.

I’m not talking about major lifestyles or bad habits that my girls struggle with. But there are areas that they don’t have confidence in that make me question how we parented them. Were we too restrictive in some areas or did we not encourage certain behaviors enough? Could I have done or said things differently that would have shaped their character differently? I don’t totally beat myself up over this stuff but it is what I think about at 2am when I can’t get back to sleep.

Or maybe I am giving myself too much credit. Maybe it is more the genes they inherited which has made them who they are. (After all, I have twins who have been raised the same and have the same life experiences and yet they have very different strengths and weaknesses.) I totally see myself--the good, the bad and the ugly--in all ot them. A lot.

Or maybe it is a matter of me wanting to see them respond to situations in a way differently than they do. I think that I see the best in a particular situation, and yet they choose something different. It’s all about angles. They see something one way and I see it from further down the road of life. Life and experiences have a way of broadening your view and narrowing your focus at the same time. As a result they can miss amazing opportunities and underestimate not-so-amazing consequences.

Maybe I am just trying to learn how to parent adult or near-adult kids. When to speak up and when to shut up.

Okay, as I re-read this post, I realize I am rambling and vague and cryptic. Just stuff in my head right now. Post or delete? Post or delete? Post. Maybe it will make sense to someone.