As I am muddling my way through parenting teens and young adults, I am learning that there are lots of balancing acts. I am attempting to cross a high wire and not fall in either direction. On one side is over-parenting and on one side is under-parenting.
The goal is to reach the other side with strong, godly, independent adults. But while crossing the wire, I find myself wobbling and leaning and overcompensating.
Sometimes it’s so easy to see other parents who appear to have already fallen to one side or the other.
Permissive Parents....
- have no idea what is going on with their kids on social media.
- have little to no knowledge as to where their kids are or who they are with.
- believe that dating is just for fun and has nothing to do with their kid’s future relationships or ultimately their spouse.
- are worried about their kid being unhappy with them if they say no too often.
- see no problem with their kid vacationing with a girlfriend or boyfriend’s family.
Helicopter parents...
- micromanage their kid’s life (homework, calendar, finances)
- are quick to step in when their kids have a struggle in a social situation.
- always jump in to bail their kids out, sometimes not allowing them to experience consequences.
- are “too present.” They chaperone every event and are always on the sideline.
- fully fund their teens and young adults because they don’t want them to miss out on anything.
I have seen many of these in the lives of parents I know and I have seen many of them slip into my parenting. I have to really struggle to not fall off the rope onto the helicopter side. I have no doubt if you surveyed my kids, they would say the same thing.
But I think healthy self-examination is the first step to getting things right. When I think about the fact that I have such a limited time left truly parenting my girls, I want to make sure I am getting as much right as I truly can.
When Nik Wallenda recently crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope, he didn’t get there safely by casually walking along, distracted by the person talking to him in his headset, pushed around by the wind and the mist, worrying about his own comfort, worrying about how he looked to others. He had to be solely focused on one thing: making it to the other side.
