Dear Sarah.....

Sometimes you don’t think about or realize when it is a “last.” Like the last time you let me walk you to the corner to get on the school bus or the last time you wanted me to quiz you for a spelling test or the last time we hung your artwork on the refrigerator. Other times we have celebrated your “lasts.” The last time you were ‘clapped off’ at Diley Middle School or the last time you took a clarinet lesson with Mrs. Lang or the last time you had to wear your back brace or the last time you climbed down from the field commander ladder.

These are all just really awesome moments that get stored up in my heart. I have heard it said before that from the time your child is born until they head off on their own, it is a series of letting go. I remember when the scariest thing was worrying you were going to tumble down the stairs after learning to walk. Then there was the first time you stayed home alone. Then there was the first time I watched you drive off down the street in a car.

I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of you, Sarah. Someday you will discover the specialness that comes with a first child. I love to think back on the years when it was just you and daddy and I. Of course I love Em and Rach just as much, but those 2 years were pretty awesome as I was learning to be a mommy and you and I had some really great times. Part of my love of going back to Amelia Island is remembering those years. You won’t truly ‘get it’ until you are there yourself.

You have had so many amazing moments and I am so happy to have been there to share them with you. As much as I have prayed for you and the paths that your life will take, I have also thanked God over and over for the extreme privilege of being your mom. It has been the greatest blessing in my life to watch you 3 grow up into beautiful Godly women!

This week you begin a new chapter in your life. This will probably be the biggest single change you have ever (and maybe ever will?) experience. It is going to be exciting and freeing and stressful and scary and fun and...and...and. You have matured and established a character. Now you will prepare for your career. Now you will discover who you are as a person on your own outside of our family. Now you will learn what it is to chase after God on your own rather than being led there by your parents. Maybe you will discover some new things about yourself. Maybe you will meet the person who will be your best friend for the rest of your life. Maybe you will meet the man you will one day marry. Those are some pretty big things....but you are there, Sarah! And I know you are ready to jump in with both feet!!

Yeah, I am going to shed some tears this week. Just chalk it up to stupid sappy mom. Once again, you will get it when you get there too. People laugh at me because you are just going to be in Westerville. Yeah, I know (and I am really glad about it too!). But it is what this week represents that touches a deep, deep place in my heart.

Right now, Sarah, I pray God’s biggest and best and awesome-est blessings on you. I pray that He guards your mind and your heart and your body and your soul. I pray that you learn to lean hard into Him as things get hard or temptations get strong. And I pray that God’s light shines bright through you into the college world that can so often be spiritually dark. I pray that you grow closer and closer to God each day and week and semester and year. No matter how many friends you surround yourself with (and they WILL love you there!) and how many professors you need to please and how many audiences you perform in front of (I will be the one in the front row cheering the loudest!), always remember that you are living your life for an audience of One.

I love you, my dear, sweet, beautiful Sarah.

Hard stuff to get right....

Is it just me or is this REALLY, REALLY hard?

I am thinking of some situations where I want to pray for a specific outcome in those situations. Yet I know that in these situations, I need to be praying for God’s will and not “Beth’s choice.” It is easy to say or think the words (God’s will) when I am talking to God about it. It’s how I know I am supposed to be praying. But internally I still continue to hope for the outcome that I want!

Why is this such a struggle? As I think about it, it could be one of a couple of possibilities...

1. I am selfish. I want what I want and I don’t want to have it any other way.
2. I think I know best....even better than God. By me saying this is the outcome I want to happen, rather than what ever God’s plan is...I am saying I have more faith in my plans and directions than in God’s.

Aren’t these both the foundation of pretty much all sin? Whether it is in the actions we take or the words we speak to others or even in our speaking to God. It’s like we really do believe in God, but we think we can use Him to our advantage by praying for things to go the way we think they should. It’s like He exists more for us than we exist for Him. That is not the way it should be and I know it intellectually. But living that way and praying that way is h-a-r-d!

I want to get better at praying for God’s will in everything. And I don’t just mean saying the words to Him but really believing that whatever outcome happens, it is all part of His plan and it really IS best.

One situation at a time.....I am going to try harder to get this right.

Random, but amazing.

This is going to sound random. Okay, sometimes my mind wanders and I just think about something for awhile. Tonight I was thinking about my brain. Brains are sooo weird! Here is this mass of cells that grew and developed over time. And the very idea that it allows me to think and dream and ponder things is simply crazy! I mean I studied some anatomy in college and learned all the basic physiology and chemistry of how things function in there with neurons and synapses and transmitters. But that still doesn’t explain the complex levels of human thought. The fact that I can learn a language or read music or do math or ANYthing for that matter, is nothing short of amazing.

Okay, now here is the really crazy thing. God totally knows every single thing that is going on in my brain!!! WHAT?!??!?! Every thought, good or bad is totally known by Him. Aside from the consequences of that, it is so incredible that Someone has that ability. AND have 100% access to everyone’s brain 24/7. We think it is crazy in movies when people can enter each other’s dreams or implant fake memories. Yet, most people never fully marvel at what God can do and does.

My real question is this: How can people truly grasp how amazing something like the brain is and then not see that only God is capable of creating something so marvelous? Really?? Evolution could lead from some primordial goop to the human brain of today? That requires so much MORE faith than simply believing in God, in my opinion.

AND, this is just one thing. I think you could think about almost anything else in creation, and come to the same conclusion.

I told you I am being random tonight....