Ten Things That Have Made Me Smile Lately

1. Seeing Sarah’s excitement about starting college in a few weeks.
2. Knowing that people at church are beginning to make BIG pledges for the upcoming building campaign.
3. Spending a day at the zoo with my husband.
4. Hearing about the changed lives of 3 youth from our church who just returned from a six week mission trip.
5. Pistachio frozen yogurt.
6. Listening to one of my daughters worship through singing behind her closed door.
7. A good friend who is responding really well to chemotherapy.
8. The stress-free feeling of summer without the homework headaches and the high school drama.
9. One of my kids who will be serving as a camp counselor this week-end with 3^rd-6^th graders.
10. Getting a GREAT report card from my Christopher (the boy we sponsor in CAR)!

A New Territory

Lately I have been reading on-line articles and blogs about parenting college kids. I am finding myself in new territory and trying to learn my way. I haven’t been able to find a good book on the topic so far, so maybe my best resource will be other parents who I see doing a good job at this.

We haven’t even moved her to campus yet and already I am unsure of what my level of involvement should be in her choices....everything from finances to career plans to relationships and more. I hear terms like helicopter parents tossed around. I hear of other parents who are ready to step out of the picture all together and let them find their own way and make their own mistakes.

I have to think that there is a perfect balance out there someplace. I want her to experience and enjoy this new stage of life and to gain confidence in her new independence. Yet I still want to guide and protect and be able to speak truth (or Truth) into her life. Can these 2 things co-exist and if so, how on earth am I going to know when to speak up and when to shut up???

I have learned this summer that it is hard to see your kids make a choice different from what you think they should choose. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are choosing something bad or dangerous. Sometimes it means you think they are missing out on an opportunity. It seems like I can see a bigger picture and ultimately want what is best for my kids, but maybe it isn’t my place to always speak up and tell them what I see. Things look different from the outside and from a stage that is further along in life.

I think ultimately what I want is for them to know that everything they do and don’t do now is important. I can look back on my life and see things I did which I totally wish I hadn’t done and I see things that were opportunities that I walked away from. I know biting my tongue is the hardest thing and I won’t always be able to do it. But I am learning that there is a time to speak and a time to just be an ear.

Like I said, I am stepping into a whole new territory. I’m super excited about it, but trying to humbly seek God’s guidance at the same time.

I wanna be WEIRDER!!!

I love, love, love books that challenge me: Books that make me look long and hard at areas of my life and evaluate. Books that are clear on why change is needed. And most importantly books that give specific ways to make those changes. This new book by Craig Groeschel fits the bill. It is a quick and easy read and I highly recommend you add it to your summer reading list.

The book tackles 5 major areas of life and examines what is "normal" by society's standards and what is "weird" (God's standards). The areas include time, money, relationships, sex and values. The world has tons to say about each of these areas and this book really highlighted for me how much we just take so many of those values as 'the way things are' or how we should live our lives. We rarely give them a second thought. But when I look at how radically different we should be living in each of these 5 areas, I can see why the world would view us as weird!

We spend so much of our teen-age years (and actually it doesn't change as adults!) trying to not be weird. We want to fit in and be cool. AND we want our kids to not be weird either...so we compromise God's standards and allow them (and even encourage them?) to fit in.

Groeschel talks about drift. As Christians, we don't set out to drift away from God's standards. It just happens. "The current of normalcy will pull you away from God at every opportunity if you let it. When we allow ourselves to go with the flow, literally, then we're moving away from the solid rock of God's presence in our lives."

As I read each section, I realized that there are some areas that I am better at being weird than others. Sometimes I inwardly celebrate when others notice us being different. When our tax preparer (aka my mother-in-law) thinks we are being foolish with our money by giving over twice as much to our church as we pay for our monthly mortgage, I love it. (Although I really wish they got it as well.) When other parents look at me strangely when I don't let my 15 year old kids go to certain PG-13 movies, I don't really care. But there are still certain things that I can't bring myself to be weird at.

But I want to. And with some of the practical tips in this book I hope that I can move in that direction. Basically it comes down to whose acceptance is most important to me....people (strangers, friends, even family) OR God's. If I can keep that at the front of my thoughts, I think getting weirder is going to happen! And I can't wait!!

My Not-So-Popular Views on Dating

I mentioned this in a blog on January 7^th and have decided to revisit it. Most people so far have agreed with what I have written in blogs, but this time I KNOW that is probably not the case...(climbing on my soapbox here, so this is going to be L-O-N-G.)

1. Only date someone who is like-minded. Or more specifically in our case: Don’t date anyone who is not a Christ Follower.

"It’s okay mom, they go to St. Bernard Church.” Come on....the standard here is significantly higher than that! I mean they need to be born again and living for God. I want them to love Jesus WAY more than they love you. Most of the time (though not always) this means they are part of a family who lives for God as well.

“I think ‘Joe‘ is a Christian.” ASK!! We can’t let this be too awkward. Most parents have totally gotten out of the practice of questioning the person their child is dating. “That’s old-fashioned.” “That would be awkward or embarrassing.” “I trust my kid to be making the right choice.” All of those are a little true, but who cares!!!! This is too important. And not only do I want to ask questions to the person they are dating...I want to meet the parents! Immediately you are thinking: “They are dating them...not marrying them!” AHA....wait until you get to my next point!

“It’s okay, mom. They are going to start coming to church with us.” That is awesome! We will even pick them up each week! But that does not make them automatically and immediately date-able. By dating them first or even at the same time they are exploring the possibility of God is still not a good idea.

“I know that ‘Johnny’ may not be a Christian but they are such a good kid! They are respectful and smart and well-rounded, etc.” Really? 2 Corinthians 6:14 talks about not yoking ourselves to unbelievers. I don’t think that verse is speaking specifically or only to marriage like some people like to use it. I think it applies to EVERY significant relationship in our lives...marriage, close friendships, business partners, and yes...dating.

2. The purpose of dating should be to find a spouse.

Okay, if you followed me on the first one, I may lose you here. I think if you don’t consider a person someone you could see yourself marrying, you should not even go on a first date with them. Why do we need to let our kids get into intimate (physical, emotional and even spiritual) relationships just ‘because.’ Just because society says this is what you do during your teen years and your 20’s doesn’t make it wise! I know so many parents who don’t take this view. They encourage their kids to date just for the fun of it. “It’s not like you are going to marry him....just have fun.” Okay, so what is the point of that? My kids have had a great time through junior high and high school with great friends (guys and girls) and I don’t think they have missed out on anything. I am pretty sure they would agree.

Final thoughts...

I know many of my friends totally disagree with my view on this. Even if I have never had the face-to-face conversation with moms, I have seen the kids’ facebook pages and the 14 year olds kids ‘in a relationship’ with each other. I’ve seen the pictures that tell the stories. I’m sure if asked, parents would comment that it is harmless. Is it really?

I have learned that kids will rise to the expectations that are set. I dream of my girls saving their hearts for their husbands. Why tie that heart and everything else that goes with that to 5 other guys beforehand?

Lest I be considered a hypocrite, don’t assume that I got all this down perfectly myself. But I have seen enough life and relationships and I have learned enough about what God desires for His kids to have an opinion. And I’m sure that now that I have thrown this out there, people will smirk when my kids don’t get it perfectly. But that’s okay. Like I said, I would rather set the bar high than compromise and do what the world does.

It’s a blog. It’s for opinions, right? Go ahead. Tell me why and where I am wrong.

Maybe I will do a future blog on what I think dating should look like......

YOU first.

"No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."

1 Corinthians 10:24

I know this verse is part of a section talking about the believer's freedom and refers to abstaining from things out of respect for others. But I still have to think that this verse is the best idea in all situations and could actually be revolutionary if we all learned to practice it.

Think about all of your relationships. I mean everyone from your spouse to your kids to your friends to the lady who rings up your groceries. What if we would always put their good before our own? Even people I know who are kind of doing this, still fall way short. Most people are in our life because of what they can do for us. It sounds awful, but if you really think about it, I think you have to agree. If you have some free time and are going to seek someone out, aren't you going to choose the person who is entertaining to be around and makes you in general feel better about yourself? Your mindset isn't "Who can I spend some time with simply to encourage them or for their good?"

At the core of this problem is our selfishness: "I want to be the one to choose the relationships, define the relationships, and then control the dynamics and how much I am going to give to the other person."

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3) I would say that is a command...not just a suggestion. I think this holds the first step to getting better at this. Before I am going to seek their good before my own, I am going to have to start considering others better than myself. And I am pretty full of myself. I often won't meet their needs if it is going to cost me (who I love more!) something. Maybe it is my time, or my money, or my discomfort of speaking up, or just getting my lazy butt off the couch.

This is so counter-cultural and counter-intuitive. Society says to put me first. AND my sin problem says to put me first. Those are 2 pretty big forces to overcome. But...."The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." (1 John 4:4) Hope! I know I am not going to achieve this next week or even perfectly in my lifetime. But with God's help, I know I can do better.

And isn't it fun to dream about a world where everyone got better at this?

Grey Matters

I wouldn't call it black, but definitely a smoky grey. That's how I would describe my mood lately. The problem is, I am not sure what to attribute it to. I have spent quite a bit of time examining various areas of my life and everything seems to be checking out okay. But yet I still find myself in this funk. Sometimes as soon as I am alone, tears are right below the surface. That is definitely not my normal. When I look at relationships, finances, work, schedule....nothing seems different. But still I find my motivation level really low. I find myself wanting to be away from people. And there is just this over all feeling of blaaaaahhhhh. I guess I am just in a funk. Definitely been in worse and I know this too shall pass.

Since I can't pinpoint the cause, I have been thinking more about the "why" and the "now what."

"Why?" There must be a reason. I am starting to see that maybe I needed a season of discontent. Everything has been really good in my life for a while. My kids had a great school year and are making really great choices. Our finances are in good shape and I'm not stressed about the upcoming college payments at all since we have both prepared for them and been greatly blessed along the way in this area. I still love my job and God is still doing amazing things at GF. Scott and I are doing great. In my little sphere, things are comfortable. Maybe even to the point of "it surely can't get much better than this!" Whoa....I don't believe that is where God wants us to live. Don't get me wrong....God delights in giving us the desires of our hearts. All the things I mentioned are good things. BUT.

But if I am so comfortable, why do I need to depend on Him?

But if I am so comfortable, why step outside my little world and serve others?

But if I am so comfortable, that comfort begins to be the most important thing and eventually I will just want MORE of the stuff that makes me comfortable (i.e. material crap).

And the big but.

But if I am so comfortable, this becomes my home.....not heaven.

Perhaps my funk is God's way of waking me up. He is tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "Hey Beth. Don't forget me. I love you like crazy and I don't want you to get so caught up in all the things that make you happy. It's okay to be sad sometimes and to lean harder into me."

"Now what?" Okay, assuming my theory of why is correct.....what do I do with it? I believe I am supposed to come out on the other side different than when I went in to this season. Maybe God is preparing me for something new. If I was just skipping happily along through the field of flowers, maybe I would totally not have noticed an opportunity or challenge that He has in store for me. Maybe I needed to slow down...reflect...read the Bible more....listen. I'm pretty sure I can't precisely answer the "now what" part of this yet. But I am aware of the question hanging out there and I know that eventually I will be able to answer it. God has always been faithful and He's not getting out of that business.

So, if you actually read my blog....don't worry about me. I am fine. Like I said...it's not a black mood....just a mild gray. My God is huge! Seasons aren't forever. Maybe"grey" isn't even the way to describe this. Maybe "renovations in progress" is more accurate.