Grey Matters

I wouldn't call it black, but definitely a smoky grey. That's how I would describe my mood lately. The problem is, I am not sure what to attribute it to. I have spent quite a bit of time examining various areas of my life and everything seems to be checking out okay. But yet I still find myself in this funk. Sometimes as soon as I am alone, tears are right below the surface. That is definitely not my normal. When I look at relationships, finances, work, schedule....nothing seems different. But still I find my motivation level really low. I find myself wanting to be away from people. And there is just this over all feeling of blaaaaahhhhh. I guess I am just in a funk. Definitely been in worse and I know this too shall pass.

Since I can't pinpoint the cause, I have been thinking more about the "why" and the "now what."

"Why?" There must be a reason. I am starting to see that maybe I needed a season of discontent. Everything has been really good in my life for a while. My kids had a great school year and are making really great choices. Our finances are in good shape and I'm not stressed about the upcoming college payments at all since we have both prepared for them and been greatly blessed along the way in this area. I still love my job and God is still doing amazing things at GF. Scott and I are doing great. In my little sphere, things are comfortable. Maybe even to the point of "it surely can't get much better than this!" Whoa....I don't believe that is where God wants us to live. Don't get me wrong....God delights in giving us the desires of our hearts. All the things I mentioned are good things. BUT.

But if I am so comfortable, why do I need to depend on Him?

But if I am so comfortable, why step outside my little world and serve others?

But if I am so comfortable, that comfort begins to be the most important thing and eventually I will just want MORE of the stuff that makes me comfortable (i.e. material crap).

And the big but.

But if I am so comfortable, this becomes my home.....not heaven.

Perhaps my funk is God's way of waking me up. He is tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "Hey Beth. Don't forget me. I love you like crazy and I don't want you to get so caught up in all the things that make you happy. It's okay to be sad sometimes and to lean harder into me."

"Now what?" Okay, assuming my theory of why is correct.....what do I do with it? I believe I am supposed to come out on the other side different than when I went in to this season. Maybe God is preparing me for something new. If I was just skipping happily along through the field of flowers, maybe I would totally not have noticed an opportunity or challenge that He has in store for me. Maybe I needed to slow down...reflect...read the Bible more....listen. I'm pretty sure I can't precisely answer the "now what" part of this yet. But I am aware of the question hanging out there and I know that eventually I will be able to answer it. God has always been faithful and He's not getting out of that business.

So, if you actually read my blog....don't worry about me. I am fine. Like I said...it's not a black mood....just a mild gray. My God is huge! Seasons aren't forever. Maybe"grey" isn't even the way to describe this. Maybe "renovations in progress" is more accurate.