Lately I have been reading on-line articles and blogs about parenting college kids. I am finding myself in new territory and trying to learn my way. I haven’t been able to find a good book on the topic so far, so maybe my best resource will be other parents who I see doing a good job at this.
We haven’t even moved her to campus yet and already I am unsure of what my level of involvement should be in her choices....everything from finances to career plans to relationships and more. I hear terms like helicopter parents tossed around. I hear of other parents who are ready to step out of the picture all together and let them find their own way and make their own mistakes.
I have to think that there is a perfect balance out there someplace. I want her to experience and enjoy this new stage of life and to gain confidence in her new independence. Yet I still want to guide and protect and be able to speak truth (or Truth) into her life. Can these 2 things co-exist and if so, how on earth am I going to know when to speak up and when to shut up???
I have learned this summer that it is hard to see your kids make a choice different from what you think they should choose. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are choosing something bad or dangerous. Sometimes it means you think they are missing out on an opportunity. It seems like I can see a bigger picture and ultimately want what is best for my kids, but maybe it isn’t my place to always speak up and tell them what I see. Things look different from the outside and from a stage that is further along in life.
I think ultimately what I want is for them to know that everything they do and don’t do now is important. I can look back on my life and see things I did which I totally wish I hadn’t done and I see things that were opportunities that I walked away from. I know biting my tongue is the hardest thing and I won’t always be able to do it. But I am learning that there is a time to speak and a time to just be an ear.
Like I said, I am stepping into a whole new territory. I’m super excited about it, but trying to humbly seek God’s guidance at the same time.
I think the best rule to follow is speak when the holy spirit prompts, bite your tongue when you feel its you moving and love her. Know that she will miss opportunities and make a splash with others.
ReplyDeleteJust like when they were one, five, 16, and now a young woman; you are still the person God entrusted with her.
Beth,
ReplyDeleteThere is NO doubt that this is one of the most difficult times of motherhood. I wish I had a simple formula to pass on to you, but I don't! Just know that you have, "trained up a child in the way she should go, and when she is old, she will not depart from it". I think back on when I went away to college. I only talked to my parents once a week. There was no email, FB, or cellphones. My parents trusted me and I respected that and wanted to do the right things. I went to them when I needed input or direction in a situation. They never tried to "micro manage" me. I have wanted and even tried at times to "micro manage" Rachel, but it really is counter productive. Maintaining good communication will be the ticket! I've learned to take lots of deep breaths and try not to panic! You have raised Sarah well and she will be fine! Afterall, you turned out pretty darn good! :) Love you Beth!
You have raised a strong, confident young woman. That doesn't mean she won't still need her Mommy and Daddy. Trust her and trust God and she will do great things!
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