I wasn’t going to do this post, but it kept popping into my head, so this is my attempt to get rid of it.
Disclaimer: This post is not directed at anyone in particular. If you read this and think I am writing specifically to you, I definitely am not. It is merely based on my observations and my opinions concerning this young adult generation.
More and more often I am seeing young adults (18-28) who are not “launching.” I would almost describe them as stuck. They either don’t know what they want to do or they don’t have any motivation to just do something. They may either continue to live at home, dependent on their parents, still living as a teenager even though they are in their early twenties. Or sometimes they take the step of moving out, usually with other friends who are also “stuck,” and continue to drift aimlessly for the next decade.
Don’t hear me saying that everyone’s life needs to look the same…..graduate HS at 18, go to a 4 year college, land your “forever career”, marry at 24, babies at 26. I think there are lots of paths that look very different than this. But when I look at so many young adults, I don’t see adults. Also, don’t hear me saying our family got all of this right. We didn’t.
I don’t think it can be said that 100% of these cases can be “blamed” on parenting, but I do think that there are certain things parents can do to give their kids the best chance at success. There are certain milestones that hit before a kid turns 18 that help lead to independence. These are baby steps to adulthood and when I see families who don’t take some of these steps, the result is not always positive.
- Getting a driver’s license. It is a lot of work and stress for the parents, but it is so necessary in building independence.
- Working a job. You may think “How is making blizzards at DQ going to help my child?” Well…time management, budgeting, work ethic, interview skills, interpersonal skills, understanding employee-employer relations….I could go on and on.
- Being totally responsible for their school work. By the last 2 years of high school, I think kids should be self-motivated and handling their own education. Too many times I see parents checking grades on-line daily, delivering forgotten school items to the school (oops, I was bad about that one), talking to teachers and administrators when a 17 year old should be doing that themselves.
- Working out problems themselves. I’m not saying don’t be supportive and give advice or jump in when absolutely necessary. I AM saying, “Let them fail.” If they are having a problem with a friend, they need to work it out. The coach is not playing them on the team? Encourage them to set up a meeting to talk about it.
There is something about this generation that is vastly different than my generation. Sure, we had a few drifters, but for the most part my peers left home at 18 for college or the military or a career and rarely ended up back home. We set goals and, even if they were unrealistic and had to be modified (yes, I started out pre-med), we had a plan.
I also think we are too willing to support this drifting lifestyle; letting kids stay home for years while they figure it out. But they aren’t figuring it out. They are playing video games and living in a world of social media rather than the world of flesh and bones. Things like walking into a college class or interviewing for a job are hard and uncomfortable. Why do that when you can sit in a comfy house where people won’t reject you or you have to do things that aren’t always fun?
So far I have hit on a lot of practical, concrete things. But there is one really big thing, too. I believe that parenting your child’s spiritual health is by far the most important thing you can do to get them ready for adulthood. You cannot make them say YES to Christ….only they can do that. But you can do everything within your ability to fan the flame and fuel the fire. For an 18 year old living on mission, adulthood and independence are not big, scary things. They are amazing opportunities to do the only two things that are really important. Bring glory to God, and show others the reason for your hope. EVERYTHING else you do with your life comes back to those 2 things if you are a believer. If you keep Him your focus and your mission and your prize, suddenly interviewing for a job, getting an apartment, building relationships become a little more appealing, don’t they?
Again, if you know me and you felt like I was talking about you, I wasn’t. This is a broad trend and maybe someone with a 12 year old will read this and do something differently.
