Remembering Bangui

Almost one year ago I travelled to Central African Republic on a mission trip. For the first time since then, I just read through my journal from that time. I thought I would share part of my final entry... (it is kind of rambling, but remember I was SOOO tired at this point.)

In 4 hours we will land in the U.S. I sit here and think about my visit to Christopher's (the little boy whom I sponsor) home earlier in the day. Christopher's mom, like most African women I met is quite soft spoken and not a person of many words. Or maybe that is just how they are around us. Through Barb I asked her several questions. I learned that her husband died about a year after her daughter was born from illness. Perhaps AIDS, or some other disease. It was around that time that she became a believer and started attending a Grace Brethren Church. I told her how happy I was to be able to help her family, especially Christopher. I told her that I promised to pray for them after I returned home. Then my heart was totally broken. She told me that she wanted me to give her greetings to my family when I got home and that she would be praying for us. I think in my soul I believed that we have everything and these people have nothing. We are the givers and they are the receivers. In that moment and as I write this on the airplane over the Atlantic Ocean, I know how wrong that thinking is. We all are the same. God created all of us and called us to be His kids. We were born in different places with different resources, but there really is little difference. We are blessed with certain resources in order to bless others! That does not make our way of life any better. I'm not even sure it makes it easier. Yeah, we are comfortable and physically we don't work as hard, but I think other things like relationships and community are easier for them. Maybe we are all supposed to learn certain things from each other. I know I learned so many things this week. I am desperately trying to write so many things down because I don't want to forget. And I want to share them with people.

The heat was extremely difficult, as was camping. The emotional part was definitely the hardest. Erica had shared her stories from her 1st trip and I could see her heart change. But until I spent a week in Bangui, I really didn't get it at all.

As I am getting closer to home, I am thinking about Christopher and his mom in their little mud house. I think about the amazing missionaries like Barb and Tim and Ginger and Heidi. I think about what has been accomplished in LaDoumie because our church sends $4000 a year to run a hand-in-hand school. I think about those widows and orphans joyfully going forward at worship each Sunday to put their coins in the offering. I think about orphans at the center squatting around a bowl of rice, eating with their hands.

So many images are in my head, but mostly I stare out the window. I am returning to a world that hasn't changed in the 11 days I was gone. But I have. I just need to examine and understand those changes and answer the question, "Now what?"

I learned once that every gift of love and grace from God demands a response. This trip was truly a gift to my life. My prayer at this precise moment is that God will show me what comes next.

The Sunday before we left, the praise team at church sang Chris Tomlin's God of this City. I had tears on my face that day as I thought ahead to my week in Bangui. Today at the airport in Paris, that song came up on my ipod. The tears came again-unstoppable. I can now believe and KNOW with every bit of my heart that God is God of Bangui and Pickerington and every other city on this earth.

I have pages and pages of entries from those days in Africa and they really bring back so many sounds and sights and memories. But I am a bit sad to think that I sometimes go days with out praying for Christopher. Sometimes I don't even think about that trip much. And most importantly, am I living my life any differently one year later because of what I experienced?

I've taken my kids for granted.

I've been thinking about how awesome my kids are lately. I was letting my thoughts go to some specific areas and I realized how many things about my girls that I just simply take for granted.

1. They are healthy. I've been to Children's hospital. I've been to one of the poorest areas of Africa where AIDS runs rampant. I've had friends who's kids have had some pretty big challenges. Sure, we've had some little obstacles along the way, but I never just stop and think how blessed we are to have 3 healthy kids.
2. They genuinely care about other people. In a world that becomes more and more self-absorbed, with the worst at this being teen-agers, my girls are pretty amazing. Although they sure don't mind making a few bucks here and there, I have seen them babysit for free many times. When mission opportunities come up at church, they are pretty much the first names on the sign up sheet.
3. They make good choices. More and more I am seeing my girls lose friends. I know...this doesn't sound like a good thing. But as friends that they are extremely close to start to make bad choices, the girls don't want any part of it. They don't abandon these friends. I have seen them try to influence them in really positive ways. But by not following the crowd, SR&E often find themselves home on a Friday night hanging out with the family and our friends. (I'm not complaining about this in the slightest!)
4. They aren't boy-crazy. I see my kids' friends float from relationship to relationship, with lots of heart-ache and what's the point? Why are we so anxious to let 15 year old kids date? Somehow parents think that it is just a right of passage and a natural thing to do. I have been praying for my girl's husbands (if they are meant to get married someday) since I rocked them as babies. They are out there someplace and the girls will meet them someday. But is there really any point for them to "practice" relationships at this stage in their life? They have lots of "guy friends" and have a lot of fun hanging out in groups. I just don't see why we need to allow, or even encourage as some parents do, our teens to get into relationships where they are going to become emotionally, physically, and spiritually attached to someone at this age. (as you can see, I am pretty passionate about this one. Might be a whole blog entry one day...) Thankfully, this is not a battle we have had to fight at our house. Yet.
5. My kids are fun. I genuinely LOVE hanging out with them. They have the best senses of humor and crack me up regularly. When I am in another room listening to the 3 of them, they are still silly, playful kids. I love the last day of school in June and grow sad as the first day of school approaches, because I would rather have them home. We are going to Florida in June, just the 5 of us. And I can't wait!
6. They are growing TOWARDS God. I hate making this just another point in my list, because it is the most important. My kids are not happy when something prevents them from going to church or youth group. They regularly choose church over other things. But it's not just that, because I'm sure other kids think church is fun or entertaining and therefore choose it. It's the Bible that I occasionally find laying open in their rooms. It's stories I hear from their youth leaders about them praying with other people. It's about them pursuing other kids who are lost. It's about them choosing to be baptized.

Please know that I am not just making a list to brag about my kids. (Although I know I am often guilty of that). I am looking at this list and thinking that I have totally taken them for granted. My kids have lived this way so long and so consistently that I just assume it is "normal". It's not. I can look around at other kids and see it isn't. I take all these traits for granted and I rarely stop and thank the One who created them. It is not often enough that I tell SR&E just how amazing they are and that I appreciate the women they are becoming. I focus on the messy rooms and the C's that I want to be A's and B's.

My advice....sit down and make a list like this. What are you totally taking for granted in your kids? I'm guessing I'm not alone in this.

Sacrifice

I just read a chapter in Chip Ingram's book From Good to Great in God's Eyes about sacrifices.

"Sacrifice is the clearest and greatest evidence of the extent of one's love and devotion to a person, a cause, or a thing. When someone pays the ultimate price for unselfish reasons, the depth of his love is clear. The measure of our sacrifice demonstrates what matters most."

So often we think of sacrifice as something really radical Christians do....downsize their home so they can give more to their church....choose to go on a mission trip rather than a vacation....don't worry about how they'll look when they boldly share their Jesus with someone. But what if this isn't radical? What if this is normal. I think it SHOULD be normal for believers!

This chapter talks about Old Testament sacrifices and giving first fruits to God. Since we don't live in an agricultural society, Ingram gives this example: "Imagine seeing your entire life as a blank check--- then in view of your love for God and confidence in his goodness to you, signing the bottom of the check. Then you take the check, slide it under the door of heaven's throne room, and say, 'Lord, fill it out however you want to. You tell me what you want me to do, where you want me to go, what you want me to give, and who you want me to serve. Whatever you write on the top of the check, that's what I'll do.'"

There are so many great parts in this chapter, that I could be here all night typing them. (Just read the book! It's great!)

But it has really given me some things to think about. Do I live a life of sacrifice? My life sure doesn't feel hard, so my initial answer is 'not really." Sure we give money and time and talents, but it rarely feels like a sacrifice. Maybe I am not thinking about the right areas of my life...maybe I should be thinking more relationally. Do I only choose to spend time with people whom I enjoy and who benefit my life? Do I ever sacrifice feeling comfortable and looking 'normal' for speaking the truth and sharing my faith?

For me personally, when I spend more time thinking about the sacrifice Christ made for me, my little sacrifices come easier.

Lots to ponder. Like I said, read the book. Each chapter tackles a different practice that great Christians have in common.

2011

Not sure where this blog is going or who will even read it. In 2009 I read through the entire Bible and blogged each day about it. I loved both the way it kept me disciplined towards my goal and the way it got me to think at a deeper level. I'm hoping this will do the same thing. I want to take specific Bible verses, quotes from books, things that happen, etc. and think about them at a deeper level. We'll see.....

This is what the Lord says, ... "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
-- Isaiah 43:16,18-19


The year is gone, finished, past. We cannot reclaim it or undo it. If tomorrow dawns, it will be another day, a new opportunity. I have never been a huge fan of all the New Year's Eve hoopla. Just not my thing. But there is a part of me that grows philosophical on this occasion. I can't help but look back on the old year and mentally celebrate and mourn certain events. And as much as I claim to not do resolutions, I still set certain goals for myself. My thoughts this morning?

• Get healthier (wow that sounds like a broken record!)
• Care more about what God cares about
• Care less about what others think of me
• Do everything I can to prepare to launch 3 godly young women into the world
• Do a better job of keeping plugged into my life source (pray....obey)

Okay, don't want to get too crazy with this. Would love to hear your goals for 2011.